The Switch
by Jacy Storm
Summary: When Faith and Buffy switch bodies, Buffy decides instead of switching back to give Faith her life and go find herself. Will anyone notice?


Buffy wandered through the gravestones of Sunnydale Memorial Gardens alone. Her so-called boyfriend was at home sulking over the wounds he received during the fight with a Tregor the night before. He was on this gigantic poor pitiful me kick that was slowly beginning to wear away her patience. It really wasn't her fault that she could walk away from a fight virtually without a scratch and he came away a walking bruise. And stroking his injured male ego and reassuring him that he was a great fighter was something she was getting very tired of doing almost to the​ point of wishing to add to the damage done to him by the creatures they faced.

He couldn't accept that she didn't need him to protect her. He believed for some reason that it somehow reflected badly on him that she was stronger and faster than he. Riley just didn't seem to get that the supercharged strength and healing abilities she possessed had come with a price. He just nursed his own insecurities about having a girlfriend that was so much more powerful, never truly appreciating the fact that this was not something she chose but something that was chose her.

Riley had made the choice to do this job when he joined the Initiative. He thought it was all about duty and honor and playing with neat demon hunting weapons, he didn't see that to her it was a thankless job that was her destiny. It was a job she could not walk away from, she couldn't just decide to leave it to someone else when she wanted to retire and have a normal life. A normal life was something that she would never have, no matter how hard she was pushed towards it.

And everyone was pushing. Her mom was constantly on her to stop this slaying nonsense and get on with her life. It didn't seem to dawn on her mother that the fate of the world often depended on her continuing the slaying nonsense. Joyce Summers just refused to accept that her daughter was anything but a normal girl. The fact that Buffy possessed superhuman abilities meant nothing, this was all just a phase before real life started. Strangely enough Buffy often thought that it couldn't get more real than fighting for your life on a nightly basis.

Even Giles had backed off. The once fierce watcher who had nearly had a heart attack every time she wanted to do something remotely befitting a teenage girl was now encouraging her to stand on her own two feet. He had his own little kingdom to rule at his new business, The Magic Box, a brand new shiny red sports car and a carefree attitude that matched his new tweedless wardrobe. Giles seemed to have found the Zen of the midlife crisis and living in that zone with an unprecedented zeal. The new Giles had been so un-Giles-like on so many occasions that Buffy had been tempted to have Willow perform an exorcism on her Watcher.

Yeah Willow, Buffy's best friend, the person that had wished Buffy would just marry Spike. That little incident had left Buffy with some deep-seated trauma that even years of therapy would not help her get over, she thought with a shiver. Willow's constant pushing for Buffy to find a boyfriend, to get on with her life had first made her easy prey for Parker Abrams then put her in the path of Riley Finn, her demon fighting, military-guy, normal boyfriend. After Buffy had become well and truly hooked up with Riley, Willow had then begun to feel jealous and angry that Buffy didn't have enough time for her especially after the whole thing with Oz. It seems that she just couldn't win for loosing these days. But now that Tara is in the picture and Willow had so much magic at her fingertips it's Buffy who is left out in the cold in the friendship department.

As for her other best friend, Xander, heaven forbid he come around anymore when Anya is not attached to his hip or other parts of his anatomy if you listen to her. When he does show it's for a few minutes of goofy jokes followed by a few hours of censoring what Anya says so that she doesn't embarrass everyone in the room. Oh, and how could Buffy forget the fawning conversations he has with Riley about the military stuff he remembered from being a soldier one Halloween. It was beginning to seem to Buffy that a lot more blew up on graduation day besides the school building.

Graduation day, now those were memories that she still did not feel stable enough to take out and examine. Watching Angel disappear into the smoke like a dream still causes her to wake up screaming some nights. Thinking about the pain that she was forced to keep hidden because she didn't want to worry everyone with the true depths of her suffering made her start to go numb. Buffy sighed loudly. She needed something to fight. She needed to shake herself out of these thoughts before she lay down on the ground and curled up in a ball.

And as fate would have it, it was only a moment before Buffy got what she wished for. A dark shape melted out of the shadows and Buffy was shocked at whom she found herself face to face with. "Faith."

The dark haired Slayer, approached the smaller blond one, "B, how's it going?"

Months of coma didn't appear to have weakened Faith much. She still moved with a Slayer's deadly grace as she began to slowly circle Buffy. "I've been just fine. So, you finally got your nap out, huh?" Buffy replied circling with Faith so the girl was never behind her.

A cold smile tipped the corners of Faith's mouth. "Yeah, I'm well rested thanks to you."

"Well, you were starting to look a little rough thought some beauty sleep would do you some good."

"Funny thing about being in a coma, I had plenty of time to think about what fun it was going to be to mess with you. I came up with all kinds of creative ways to screw up your life. But now that I'm awake and mobile, I think I just want to get on with my life. No hard feelings." Faith said holding out her hand to Buffy.

"What are you up too, Faith?" Buffy asked looking at the outstretched hand warily.

"Nothing, I want to make my amends, be a better person. I think this is my second chance and I don't want to blow it. Besides I don't think messing with your life is worth it anymore"

"You've got that one right. I don't need you to make my life a mess, Faith."

"Kinda figured that, B, I just want us to be five by five." Faith told the other Slayer with a smile. Buffy reached out to take the other girls hand and when she made contact a strange tugging sensation ran though her followed by strange weightlessness. The sensation ended with the feeling Buffy often got when she had a falling dream, that sudden jerk to consciousness that was so disconcerting in the middle of the night. Shaking off the feeling Buffy looked at the girl across from her to see if Faith had experienced the same thing. What Buffy found made her brain nearly cease to function. Instead of staring at Faith, Buffy was staring at herself.

"What have you done?"

Faith, who had now taken up residence in Buffy's body, smiled brightly. "You're so gullible B. Always wanting to believe the best in people. Always willing to give a person the benefit of the doubt." Faith held up her hand and Buffy saw a silver object shaped like a hand in her palm. "The mayor left me this as a sign of his devotion. It switches souls. So, now I'm you and you're me as far as anyone can tell." Faith threw back her head and laughed, "So let the fun begin."

Buffy jerked out of her stupor and attacked Faith with an uppercut to the jaw. Faith's head snapped back and the Slayer stumbled back a few steps. She recovered quickly though, blocking Buffy's next attack and countering with one of her own. The fight got more heated as each combatant became used to the capabilities of their new forms.

Minutes passed and the sounds of punches connecting and grunts filled the still night. Buffy drove Faith backwards with a flurry of punches, only to retreat back several steps when Faith sprung at her with a spinning kick. Both Slayers were getting tired; injuries were becoming obvious as the battled raged. Finally, Buffy attacked with a roundhouse that toppled Faith to the ground. Taking the opportunity to pin the other girl Buffy pounced, grabbing for the hand holding the soul switching gizmo. As she prepared for the switch back all the thoughts prior to her meeting with Faith begin to once again spin through her head and Buffy's hand froze mid-air.

Faith watched Buffy closely. She couldn't get the leverage to throw the other girl off. She knew in just a moment she would be back in her own body and she would have to make a run for it before she ended up in England in Council jail. When Buffy's hand stopped in shy of grabbing her, Faith quirked an eyebrow and waited, trying to discern what was going on in Buffy's head. When the other girl suddenly smiled at her, Faith began to sweat.

Buffy felt lighter all of a sudden, this was her answer. Let Faith have her life, the girl wanted it so badly why rob her of the opportunity. It wouldn't be like the time she ran away. This time she was leaving a replacement. "Faith, you want my life. You want the mom, the friends, the watcher, and the boyfriend? They're all yours."

"You expect me to believe you're giving me Angel?" The now blond haired Faith scoffed.

Buffy shook her head, "Angel's been gone for months. Left me so I could have a better life. Now you get the life he left me." Buffy rolled off of Faith and stood. Holding out her hand to help the other girl to her feet she made sure to grab Faith by the wrist as to not make contact with the gadget in Faith's hand.

When the other Slayer was on her feet, Buffy plucked the devise away from Faith and placed it flat against her own palm. Taking a couple of steps away from Faith she slammed her hand hard down against a grave maker. There was a shower of sparks and the thing in her hand broke into several pieces. Dropping the remains, she turned to Faith. "Come on I'll show you to your new dorm room. I want to pick a couple of things up and then I'll be gone." Buffy began walking towards the cemetery gates with a dumbfounded Faith following close behind.

She led Faith to campus pointing out the buildings where her classes were held. Buffy strolled by the coffee shop, the bookstore and the student union, before she walked up to the doors of Stevenson Hall. "Keys are in you pocket." She told the girl at her side.

Faith looked at the Slayer inhabiting her body. B had gone nuts. She was really going to do this. She was handing Faith her life and walking her through a quick how to, to boot. Pulling a set of keys from the pocket of the jeans she wore, Faith opened the security door and followed Buffy up a flight of stairs. Buffy stopped at a door and once again Faith used a key from the ring she held to open the door.

Both girls walked into the room. Buffy crossed to the closet and grabbed a duffle bag down from a shelf. She began to fill it with clothing that should fit her much changed frame and threw in a few slaying supplies. Sitting the bag on her bed she took a well-worn leather jacket that was hanging in her closet out and shrugged into it.

Faith just stood in the middle of the room and watched; she still had not recovered from shock of what was happening. Her eyes followed Buffy as she opened a jewelry box that sat on top of the dresser, pulled out a plain but lovely, silver cross and secured it around her neck. Then Buffy opened her dresser and grabbed out something that Faith suspected was a stash of cash and crammed it in the pocket of the leather pants she wore. Buffy was truly going to walk away. She was giving up and giving in. If Faith had been thinking clearly she may have stopped to wonder what she was getting herself into. If Buffy's life was such a storybook why was she practically skipping at the chance to get out of it?

Walking over to her desk Buffy picked up a notebook. She pulled a folded sheet of paper from it she handed the paper to Faith. "Here is your class schedule. Go to class or don't, I don't really care. It's your life." Buffy said with a smile. Then she went to the table beside the bed and pulled out blue journal. "Since you'll be living my life, you might want to read up on what's been going on." She said tossing the book to Faith who reflexively caught it. "But I'll give you a quick overview. Willow is your roommate but she spends most of her time with her girlfriend Tara." The look of utter shock that crossed the other girls face made Buffy chuckle. "Giles now owns the Magic Box and tries to be much more hands off. He thinks that I, I mean you, have to learn your own way, but he is still always there if you really need him. Xander is dating an ex-vengeance demon that talks constantly about their sex life. And last and probably least, Riley Finn is your boyfriend. He is a military trained demon hunter with an inferiority complex." Snapping her fingers. "Oh I almost forgot one thing, your mom expects you to have dinner with her at least once a month so she can berate you about your life as a Slayer." Zipping the bag and tossing it over her shoulder Buffy headed for the door. She pulled it open, looking back over her shoulder grinning at the gaping girl who still stood in the middle of the room clutching her journal.

Buffy allowed her eyes to travel around the room that had been her home for months. She really didn't think she would miss anything. Well maybe one thing. Buffy hurried back toward the bed to grab the one thing she was about to forget.

Faith thought for a moment that she had changed her mind. She was shocked again when all Buffy did was grabbed a stuffed pig off the bed and put in her travel bag.

Once again at the door, Buffy became suddenly very serious. "I'll give you a word of advice, steer clear of Angel." Faith could hear the threat in the words. "Besides he would probably know the difference in a heartbeat so it would be better for both of us if you just stayed away."

Buffy left and Faith remained where she was. She was in Buffy's body, in Buffy's dorm room, and right in the middle of Buffy's life. Buffy herself had just walked out the door on her way to parts unknown whistling a happy tune. Hurrying to the window Faith saw Buffy walking down the path and away from Stevenson Hall. She watched her until Buffy's figure was completely swallowed up by the night.

Running a hand through her now blond hair, Faith threw the journal onto the bed and ran out the door. She wound her way through the unfamiliar pathways of the college campus until she made her way back familiar streets and rushed towards Sunnydale Memorial Gardens. Searching among the grave markers she looked for the place she had fought with Buffy.

When she found the spot she quickly gathered up all of the chunks of the Hand of Gemini. Satisfied that she had it all, she gathered the shards into her hand and stared at them. "I just hope someone has invented supernatural superglue because I think I'm going to be needing it." She said aloud to the night. Stuffing the pieces into her pocket Faith made her way back to Stevenson Hall.

Across town Buffy walked up to the window at the bus station. The lady behind the counter gave her a suspicious look, but Buffy didn't care. She felt free for the first time in a long time. "Which bus will take me far, far away from Sunnydale?"

The woman once again gave Buffy a look before looking down at the departure schedule. "We have a bus leaving for Nashville Tennessee in twenty minutes."

"I'll take it." Buffy paid for her ticket. Adjusting the bag on her shoulder she went to find a seat to wait for her bus to be called. The slip of paper in her hand was her key to a new life. She ran her fingers over the imprinted words that would send her clear across the country. Maybe she could finally find some sense of peace. That was a feeling that she had not experienced since her seventeenth birthday.

A blast of static rang from the PA followed by the announcement that her bus was starting to board. Buffy stowed her bag under her seat and sat down next to a window. As the doors closed on the bus, Buffy pressed her palm to the window and looked out at the town that had been her home for the last few years. "Goodbye Sunnydale." She whispered as they pulled away from the depot and made their way to the highway.

It had been six months since Faith had awoken from her coma. It has been six months since she had gone in search of Buffy. It had been six months that she had been living as Buffy Summers and if she ever got her hands on B she was going to strangle her.

The Scooby gang had been called to a meeting at Giles' apartment. Willow was sitting on the sofa next to Tara, who looked confused every time she looked at Faith. Xander and Anya were sitting in the recliner, with Anya constantly complaining that they needed to hurry up so that she could get Xander home. And Faith was sitting crossed legged in the floor waiting for some answers from Giles. She sometimes felt like the fifth wheel when the group got together anymore but she wouldn't take that whiny GI Joe wannabe back for any reason. Faith had only kept Riley around about a month to work out some of the nervous energy she had built up during her long sleep. But that had not been good enough to allow her to put up with his attitude for very long. On more than one occasion during that month he had tempted her to once again get in touch with her dark side.

Willow had stated her objections to the breakup. Joyce had harped and harped about how she could not understand how Buffy could let such a wonderful guy get away. Even Xander had called her an idiot for ending things with Riley. The only one that had not chimed in with an opinion had been Giles.

Giles came out of the kitchen, polishing his glasses on a handkerchief. "I received a call today from Wesley Windham-Pryce. There is some trouble in Los Angeles that he needs some help with. He called to ask if we could come to LA and lend he and Angel a hand with this problem."

Faith stiffened. The jig was about to be up. Or maybe not, she had spent months living with Willow and she had not even once wondered about the changes in Buffy. "When do we leave?"

"Everyone will need to grab an overnight bag and meet back here in an hour." Giles told his Slayer.

Faith nodded and pushed herself up off of the floor. Willow caught her at the door. "Are you going to be okay with this?" The red head asked.

"With what?"

"Seeing Angel."

"Yeah, I'm gonna be just fine. Let's go get our stuff together. Sooner we get there the sooner we get this thing done." Faith told her trying to hide how truly nervous she was about all of this. Willow just gave her a sympathetic look mistaking Faith's nerves for the hurt Buffy would feel at the prospect of seeing Angel again. The girls left Giles' apartment and headed to their dorm room. They packed in silence and returned to Giles' where everyone piled into a rented van along with a very rumpled Xander and Anya.

Faith stared out the window watching the miles pass leading her closer and closer to the ultimate test of her hold on this borrowed life. If she could bluff Angel then maybe she stood a chance. If not she and B were both in big trouble.

Two hours later the van pulled into a parking place in front of a brownstone office building. The Scooby Gang piled out and headed to the door. Faith held back slightly letting the others enter first hoping to redirect the attention of those already within the building. Walking in behind Giles, she looked around taking in the room. It was a very typical office, you would never know from looking that it was run by a creature of the night.

As she entered Faith heard Cordelia screech something directed at Xander who fired back with an insult of his own while Anya hung on his arm. Giles had moved off to speak with Wesley. They already had some dusty old tome spread out between them. Willow and Tara were wandering around the office exploring waiting for everyone to get down to business. The only people not mingling were she and the tall, dark figure that stood across the room staring at her.

Deciding it was now or never, she looked up catching his eyes and smiled. Seconds later she found herself thrown against the wall with Angel's hand around her throat. His eyes were flashing golden as he held her dangling off the floor. "What have you done to Buffy?" He growled. Buffy had been right. I had only taken Angel the space of a second to realize something was wrong.

The rest of the room has fallen silent as they regarded the crazed vampire. Cordelia was the first to speak. "Uh, Angel that is Buffy." She said only to be ignored by Angel who had slipped into game face

Xander started to rush forward, "Dead Boy has finally lost it." He mumbled to anyone who was listening. He now just needed to figure out how he was going to pull the insane vampire away from Buffy.

His hand tightened around Faith's throat and she clawed at his fingers. Breathing was really becoming an issue. "I'll ask you again what have you done to Buffy?"

"Let me breathe and I'll tell you what I know." Faith croaked. Angel dropped her back onto her feet, his grip on her throat loosening then slipping completely away. Faith coughed and rubbed her sore neck. She eyed Angel warily. He had taken a step back giving her some room but she knew that if she were to make a move for the door he would catch within seconds. She also knew that he barely had a grip on the fury that was raging through him because even though he had slipped back into his human guise, his eyes were still bright gold.

"Talk." Angel instructed. He was quickly running out of the strength and the will to control the demon within him. The person in front of him had done something to his mate. Angelus was howling, wanting to make this person suffer for imagined hurts that had been inflicted upon Buffy. And thanks to his history with torture he could imagine a lot.

"Last time I saw B she was five by five. She left me standing in the middle to her dorm room as she packed some stuff and headed for the hills."

"Faith." Angel said on a sigh. "I should have known."

"In B's flesh." The girl said with a smirk. The others in the room that had been rushing to her aid were now standing, silently staring.

"How along ago did this happen?"

"Six months."

The roar that erupted from Angel caused everyone in the room to jump. "Six months, why didn't someone tell me this was going on?" Faith just looked back at the enraged vampire an odd light gleaming in her eyes. The look caused Angel to suspect things that he prayed were not true. He turned and looked at the others. "What have you been doing to fix this?" Silence filled the room as he glanced at each person in turn. What he saw there was more than he could take. His suspicions were confirmed. Throwing back his head he began to laugh without humor. "You didn't even notice. Each of you claim to know Buffy and to love Buffy, but Faith was able to take her place for six months and you couldn't even tell the difference."

"Yeah, how were we supposed to know? You weren't around to see how much Buffy had changed." Xander said. "She looked like Buffy. She talked like Buffy. How were we supposed to know the difference?"

It was Faith's turn to laugh. "Xander, Angel hasn't seen B in close to a year and it took him about a second to find me out. You've seen me almost every day. Hell, if I'm that good of an actress I'm gonna hang here with Queen C for some auditions. Maybe I'll be the next Angelina Jolie or something." Once again Faith looked at Angel. "She told me to stay clear of you if this was going to work. But I had to put you to the test; I had to see if B was right. And I have to say you passed with flying colors, man. These jokers," Faith motioned to the others in the room, "On the other hand failed miserably."

Wesley cleared his throat. This was extraordinary; the Slayers seemed to have somehow switched bodies. "Um, Faith," It was strange to look at the blond girl standing a few feet from him and call her that. "How did this occur?"

Sidling around Angel, Faith walked over and picked up the backpack she had dropped during Angel's enthusiastic greeting. She pulled a small zip top bag from the front pocket and laid the pieces out on the corner of a nearby desk fitting them together like a puzzle. "It's called the Hand of Gemini, it was left to me by the mayor. When I woke up I planned to use it to cause a little havoc in Buffy's life. I never thought that she would use it as her opportunity to plan her great escape."

"How did this get damaged?" Giles asked fingering the shards of the artifact spread out on the desk.

"B smashed it on a gravestone."

Willow stood rigidly, anger sparkling in her eyes. "Buffy would not do something like this. Not again. Not after the last time she ran away."

Giles chuckled mirthlessly, "Ah, yes, the last time she ran away. The time in which we were all so utterly sympathetic to her when she returned from LA still broken and hurting." The watcher said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Xander stepped up beside Willow. "That's not fair Giles. She had abandoned us. She just took off and we didn't know if she was dead or alive."

"And when she returned we did not try to find out her reasons we just attacked. I finally had to pry from her the fact that it had been Angel and not Angelus that she sent through the portal. She kept all of that bottled up inside and looking back I can plainly see that she was doing the same thing before she left this time."

Sensing an argument was about to begin between the Sunnydale gang, Wesley spoke up. "I hate to sound unsympathetic to the situation that we have found ourselves in, but we have a rather large, powerful demon that we must deal with. After that has been taken care of I say we put all of our energy into trying to fix this. I believe the Rasden demon must be our top priority just now though."

Angel ran both hands through his dark hair. "Wesley is right. We have to take care of this demon before anyone else dies. But as soon as this is over, we will find Buffy and we will put things back right."

Faith flopped down in a chair behind Cordelia's desk. "Angel man, I don't think she wants to be found."

Angel closed his eyes, his chin dropping to his chest. "I don't care. I have to find her. I have to know that she's okay." He said, his voice little more than a whisper.

The battle with the demon had been long and hard. Everyone had walked away with his or her fair share of bruises. Especially, Faith and Angel who, of course, had been up front during the fight. But the Rasden was dead and once again the world was safe and sound.

The gang trudged back to Angel's office after the thankless task. They would begin the search for Buffy tomorrow, but tonight they needed to sleep and heal. Tara, Willow, Xander and Anya had gone to Cordelia's apartment for the night. Giles had taken Wesley's spare room, leaving Faith the spare room at Angel's apartment. She had showered and changed and was looking forward to laying down somewhere and sleeping for a week.

Instead she was sitting on the sofa in Angel's living room watching him brood. "Faith, did she tell you why she did it? Did she give you any reasons?" Angel asked not looking at the girl who wore his love's face.

Faith sighed and rose from the sofa. "Give me a minute." She told him as she walked out of the room. She returned a moment later with a blue journal in her hands. "You're a big reader. Take a look at this, it'll explain things much better than I ever could." Faith said as she handed over Buffy's journal. Angel flipped open the cover and his gaze caressed the familiar loops of Buffy's handwriting. "She gave this to me as kind of a primer for my new life. Told me that if I was going to live her life I needed to know what had been going on for the last few months." Backing away from Angel, Faith smiled sadly. "I'll leave you alone with this."

Opening the book Angel began to read, he was hoping to gain some insight into what was going on with Buffy. What made her decide to just give up and walk away? This is did not fit in with why he left her. He wanted her to have a life with her friends and family. But those same friends and family members that had been so adamant about her life being so much better without him didn't even notice that she had been gone for six months. They didn't pick up on the fact that someone else was living her life. Angel set back in his chair and began to read.

_He left today. He just walked into the smoke without bothering to look back. I had humbled what little pride I have and begged him to stay while standing in the middle of a sewer but it didn't work. I put my very life in his hands, proved to him that I trusted him with everything that I am and he took what he needed from me and threw it back in my face saying that he was breaking my heart for my own good._

_I just don't understand. How can I be trusted with the fate of the world night after night? How can I be the lynch pin that keeps the light from being overcome by the dark and still no one respects my intelligence enough to know what is in my own mind and heart? I'm just a stupid little girl who doesn't understand. And without my back up, my best friend, the only person who truly understands what I go through night after night, the only person I can let my guard down with I guess I'll end up going to my grave not understanding._

Angel made a choking sound. Tears were running down his cool cheeks. Was he truly belittling her by not trusting her words that day in the sewer? Did he allow the feelings of the others to become more important than those of the woman he loved? She had saved his life, loved him with every bit of her fragile heart and all that she had ever asked was that he love her in return. And he had turned and walked away, leaving her alone to deal with the darkness that was her life.

When he left he had believed like the others that he was the biggest source of the darkness around her. But she is the Slayer, darkness is her life night after night and he had left her to face it alone. And he had told her that he was doing it all for her own good. God, he was an idiot.

Angel flipped the page and read. His heart clinched again as he reached another part in the journal.

_I never knew what it felt like to be truly vulnerable until last night. Last night I made the biggest mistake of my life. I slept with Parker Abrams. He had taken me out a couple of times pretended to listen to me, pretended to be interested in me and seduced me. _

_And just like the stupid little girl everyone thinks I am, I fell for it. Willow had been pressuring me to find someone else and to get on with my life. When Parker first began to show interest in me she pushed me into his arms. My mother had wanted me to find a normal boy and set me on a course of falling victim to anyone who could manipulate my insecurities. _

_So here I am in the early morning light facing another monster. Except this one doesn't want to kill all my friends and family, he just wants to tell the entire campus had easy I am. Sex apparently means nothing but heartaches and endings. It's the best way to screw up your entire life. It's the best way to loose everything that means anything to you. But I've come to realize that maybe having the love of your life or your self-respect is over-rated. I mean who needs that stuff anyway, right. _

_I just hope that Angel never finds out about this. I don't want to deal with his disappointment when he finds out what I've turned into. Because if he does I may just have to let the next vamp I face succeed in killing the Slayer. But then again I've never been one to take the easy way out. Nope, it's all about the heartbreak and angst for Buffy._

Angel had never wanted to stake himself more than he wanted to at that moment. What he had done with the best intentions in mind turned into a train wreck. Buffy apparently had been the one that had been the most injured in the crash.

He had felt the pain every day of not being able to be with Buffy but he never considered what she felt. He just thought how much better she would be without him. He had been unwittingly cruel to her, showing her that he thought she was not capable of feeling about him as strongly as he felt for her. He could never move on even without the curse hanging over his head why had he expected her to be able to. Why had he underestimated her so badly? Yes, she was young but she had shown more strength than anyone he had ever met.

Angel had been so messed up when he got back from Hell, his confidence so shaken that he couldn't understand why Buffy would want him around. He was also petrified of being near her because of the joy he felt in her presence. Most days they were together he had felt like he was walking a tightrope. Every moment he worried that a smile, a kiss, a hug would bring him a moment of peace that would revert him back to the monster that was inside him. So, he had fled thinking that with the support of her friends and family that she would get on with her life. He would live with the pain and she would find a little bit of normalcy to offset the darkness. Instead he left her vulnerable to a guy who used her and threw her away. And after what Angelus had said following the night they had made love it was obvious that she didn't have the best outlook on her desirability. He had never done anything to reassure her. And as much as he did not wish to, Angel continued to read.

_I slept with Riley last night. It was time. I mean we've been going out for a while and he expected us to get to that level. It's just that I don't feel that much about anything anymore. I'm supposed to love him everybody says so. My mom adores him. Willow is thrilled that I have someone now. Xander thinks Riley is his new bestest friend in the whole world. In other words they're all wonderfully happy so here I am in a normal relationship. So I'll give Riley what he needs to stay happy. And maybe he won't leave me._

Tears continued to flow down Angel's face dripping onto the journal. The salty drops mixed in with the dried remains of Buffy's tears that stained the journal from when she was writing it.

_Riley still hasn't noticed that I really don't get much out of our intimate relationship, but he seems to be happy. So, I'm not going to rock the boat. I mean no one wants to see that I'm not happy. And I can't explain to them that I can never be happy again. Not when I know what happy is. I was happy for one glorious day that no one else even knows existed. I had every dream I could ever dream at my fingertips and the Powers took it away. They made my dearest memories nothing but fantasies when they allowed Angel to barter his life for mine. I promised him that I wouldn't forget and I didn't. I just can't tell Angel that I remember because he gave up what he wanted most in the world for someone that doesn't deserve that sort of sacrifice. He gave up his humanity and his chance to be free of Angelus. He threw away his opportunity to have the normal life that seems so damned important to him. And he did it for me and I'm really not worth it because I'm selfish enough to think that what he really gave back was me. Once again he did what was best for me and I end up without him. He told me that he had the powers turn him back so that I could live when I really wish that he would just let me die._

"Oh, God." Angel whispered to the quiet room. She knew. She knew about the day that wasn't and to her it was another time that he had abandoned her. His Buffy was in so much pain that he could barely stand to read her words.

_Since the whole thing with the me being part of the Initiative blew up Riley is becoming increasingly difficult. He can't stand the fact that I'm stronger and faster than he is. Every time he is injured it is always my fault, even though I have asked him time and time again to stay behind. His ego is so fragile that we are constantly at odds. So I have begun to use the only thing I have that can placate him. I give him my body every night. He gets his satisfaction and I get a reprieve from the constant struggle to hold together my normal life. Everyone around me is happy and they leave me alone. I just don't know how long I can keep this up without shutting down completely._

Angel threw the journal across the room. He rose from his chair with a roar and began to pick up items that were close at hand and send them hurling against the walls of his apartment. What had he done? He had left her so that she wouldn't have to choose between him and her friends and family. He had been terrified of what her answer would have been when she was finally confronted with the question. He didn't want to hear her say that she didn't want him anymore. So he had left first. He walked away.

He walked away leaving her to barter her body so that her boyfriend wouldn't leave. He left her to put up with this GI Joe wannabe attacking and belittling her for being whom and what she is. He left her in the hands of people who didn't know her well enough to know that she was gone for six freaking months.

Faith listened from the guest room. She heard the crashes and the near constant growls that were being emitted from the vampire in the front room. He had read the journal. He now knew all Buffy's secrets. And he probably hated himself for some of the things he read.

Climbing out of bed she went to check on Angel. She found him sitting against the wall his eyes tightly closed, his cheeks streaked with tears. The living room was in shambles. "I thought I was doing the right thing." He told her without moving. "Everyone else seemed to think so too."

"Yeah, but what I get from reading her diary, is that you didn't listen to the right person. I've lived her life for six months. I've seen what she goes through with these people. I have to tell you that if it wasn't for Giles, I would've taken B's body and headed for the hills myself." Brushing glass shards from the only upright chair in the room, Faith sat down. "After reading all you have, do you still want to track her down?"

Angel opened his eyes and looked at the woman sitting across from him. He looked at the woman wearing his lover's face. "Faith, I have to find her. I have to know that she's okay."

"Well, what are you going to do when you find her?" Faith asked the brooding vampire. He just dropped his head back against the wall and remained silent. "Because if your plan is to find her and leave her with the group of losers I've been hanging with I'm outta here as soon as the sun is up. Big Guy, you'll find yourself searching for two Slayers."

Angel's head shot up and he stared wide-eyed at Faith. "Faith, I can't..." He began.

Faith held up her hand motioning him to silence. "I don't want to hear it. You've put her through hell and if you're thinking about doing it again then count me out."

"When did you become so protective of Buffy?"

Faith chuckled, "You know the old adage about walking a mile in someone else's shoes, well I've done that with B. I mean I used to be so jealous of her, in my book she had everything, the friends, the mom, the watcher, and the boyfriend." Faith said shaking her head. "This was supposed to be my gig. I was the Slayer. I was special. But then I found out that once again I was in second place and it irked me. So I wanted to destroy her, I wanted to take out everything that had ever happened to me in my whole crappy life out on B. And time and again she gave another chance, well until I messed with the boyfriend and she put me in a coma for several months." Faith said with a smile.

"Really though B was always about being noble. She was always on the right side where I was the one that straddled the line. When I plunged that arrow into you she went dark, but quick. She was willing to kill me and feed me to you. She was willing to go against everything that she had ever believed in for you. When that didn't work she tried to give you her life. And how did you repay her, you left her. You marked her, man, and left her."

"You left her to her mother, who is constantly berating her. Who cannot accept what she is and what she has to do." Faith looked Angel in the eyes. "Did you read the part where her mother actually looked into having B committed the summer after you left hoping she would get over this vampire nonsense? But in the long run it was too much of an embarrassment to have her only daughter in a nut house so she went back to her heaping on the guilt and verbal abuse."

"You left her to Willow, her so called best friend who is constantly trying to throw her into the arms of any guy who happens to smile in Buffy's general direction. Hell, man I feel lucky that I've not woken up one morning and found myself tied to a tree in the middle of frat row with a sign around my neck that reads, "Take me please."

"You left her to Xander, who constantly reminds her of every time she has failed. He makes sure that she doesn't forget the months she couldn't kill Angelus. He lists again and again all the horrible things Angelus was allowed to do on her watch. Oh, and he can't let it go that she lied about your return. Xander knows which wounds are still raw enough to poke at to make Buffy stay in line."

"You left her to that idiot Riley who wanted her to be some little Iowa housewife. It drove him insane when I showed B's strength or speed. He was jealous of the fact that the Slayer was better than he at the whole demon-fighting thing. So he tried to dominate in the one area he thought that he could, bed. I mean he wasn't violent or anything, he just used B's fear of being left to manipulate her. When he got her into bed it all about him not about her pleasure at all. And before you ask, I do know. I tried him out a couple of times after the switch. I mean, I was in a coma for months and I needed to burn off a little energy."

"They use her good heart and the guilt she carries to get her to jump through all the hoops they have set up for her. They know how to maneuver her. They know that she will do anything to ensure that they won't desert her."

"The only one that doesn't try to manage her is Giles. Which is funny since he is her watcher and it's technically his job to boss her around. He is actually the only thing she has that I'm still jealous over. I mean that man is not her watcher he is her father. And the only problem I see with him is that he is trying to let his daughter grow up and doesn't know when to be there for her and when he needs to back off. So he has gone all stoically English and chosen the back off option pretty much full time because he's afraid to smother her."

Angel sat back and absorbed everything that Faith had just said. Was it really that bad for Buffy? Her friends had never really understood her. They really didn't understand the loneliness of her calling. He couldn't count the number of times that he had held her when she cried in his arms when he was still in Sunnydale. And he knew that she never really let her guard down around anyone else to such a degree. She always tried to be so strong for others since she was the Slayer.

After he left he often wondered whose shoulder she cried on. Did she break down in front her new boyfriend when things got to be too much for her? Did she let him see the parts of her that only Angel had seen? I did not appear so. He had left her with no one to lean on, so she just bottled everything up inside. She sealed off her feelings until she was given the opportunity to leave all the pain behind. She was given the chance to walk away without anyone really knowing she had left and she took it.

"What's it gonna be Angel?" Faith asked the vampire who had slipped deeper into brood mode if at all possible.

Angel's deep brown eyes peered into familiar hazels ones that shone with an unfamiliar soul. "I have to find her Faith. I have to fix what I've so badly broken."

Nashville Tennessee

"C'mon Faith, just say yes." Derrick begged.

Sitting the tray of empty bottles and glasses on the bar Buffy picked up a damp cloth. Walking back to one of the tables she had just cleared she began to wipe it down. "Derrick," She said with a smile continuing to work. "You ask me every night and I give you the same answer every night."

The handsome young man just gave her a smile in return. "Eventually, I'm gonna wear you down."

Buffy shook her head, every day of the four months that she had worked at the White Lightning Saloon Derrick had asked her out. And every day she had said no. She wasn't interested in dating. She was just trying to heal and find out who she was.

Kelley walked up and slung her arm around Derrick's shoulders. "You know one of these nights she's just going to smash one of those bottles over your hard head instead of politely saying no."

Buffy smiled at the tall dark haired girl that had become her friend. They had met on the day that she had come to apply for her job. She had just run out of her stash of money and the dingy motel room that she had lived in for two months had become too much to bear. So she had dragged herself out of bed early one morning and started looking for work.

That was when she passed the White Lightning Saloon with music blaring through its doors at nine in the morning. She had been intrigued when she saw the help wanted sign. Kelley and three of the other girls were on the dance floor goofing off after finishing cleanup when she had walked in and Buffy had stopped and watched. It was several minutes before anyone even noticed her presence. When they finally saw her Kelley had approached. "Can I help you?" She had asked her voice flavored with a slight southern drawl.

"I'm looking for a job and you're looking for help. I've come into see if we can solve both problems at once."

Kelley had laughed. "I like you. You're quick. Hang right here a moment." She had disappeared into the back and reappeared with a woman in her mid forties by her side. "This is the manager June she's who you need to talk to about the job."

The interview had been short and surprisingly comfortable. She had been hired on the spot and thirty minutes later she had found herself at lunch with the other girls. It was a great job, she was making good money and she was quick enough to dodge most of the roaming hands. It all turned out to be the start of her road to self-discovery.

Three weeks after Buffy began to work at the bar Kelley's roommate moved out to live with her boyfriend and she asked Buffy if she wanted to move in to help with the rent on the small house she lived in. Everything in her life was falling into place. She was starting over and it felt pretty good. "I would never hit him with a bottle Kell." Derrick smirked at the other girl. "I'm just gonna tell Alison that he has a crush on her and stand back." The smile dropped from the young man's face as the one on Buffy's bloomed.

The handsome, blond glared at Buffy. "Well, I just might have to rethink our whole relationship. I mean I didn't know that you had such an evil streak."

Kelley laughed, "Don't take it personally Derr. I mean I just don't think that you're her type. She is more of a dark hair, dark eyes kinda girl."

Blinking at her friend in surprise, "What do you mean?" She stuttered.

"C'mon you don't think that I've noticed your reaction every time someone who falls into the category of tall dark and handsome walks into this joint?" A dark blush covered Buffy's cheeks. She had no clue that she was that obvious. It was true that Angel was still very much on her mind and her reaction every time someone who bore even the slightest resemblance to him was as unconscious as it was unwanted.

"I really don't know what you're talking about." Buffy stuttered.

Kelley looked at the girl in front of her with a bemused look on her face. "Right and I'm going to win the lottery and move to my own island with Brad Pitt as my pool boy."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Kelley."

The taller girl chuckled. "Sorry, girl, I just call them like I see them and maybe one day you'll tell me who the guy is that run away from."

Closing her eyes for a moment she sighed deeply. "Yeah, maybe someday."

It had taken two months but they finally had a lead. A woman who worked at the bus station in Sunnydale had recognized a picture of Faith. After some time the lady was able to recall that the girl had asked for a bus ticket to get her as far away from Sunnydale as possible. Willow had begun to put her computer talents to work. She started with the bus schedules seeing if she could find anything on a Buffy or Faith in any of the cities along the bus route.

Now sitting at Cordelia's desk in Angel's office the red headed Wicca finally caught a break. Willow reread the information on her screen and then read it again. "Hey guys, I've found something."

Angel came rushing from his office. "Willow, what have you got." There was a bit of panic in his voice.

"Faith Malloy applied for a servers license in Tennessee."

Xander sat down the bag of chips that he had been eating, "Servers license?"

"Apparently in Tennessee you have to take a course if you are going to work in a place that serves alcohol. "

Faith began to laugh. "She ran away from here and now she's working in bar. I say little miss goody goody has gone through an attitude adjustment."

Angel shot Faith a glare. "Tennessee is a large state, can you narrow things down any."

Willow nodded. "Nashville."

Angel stopped a moment to absorb the information. He was close to finding her now he could feel it. But what was he going to do when her found her? How was this going to play out? He would worry about that later. "Who's up for a road trip?" Angel asked the group gathered in his office. A chorus of yeses and yeahs sounded throughout the group, but Faith was quiet. "Faith?"

The Slayer looked deeply into Angel's eyes. She still wasn't satisfied that he wasn't going to find Buffy and then leave her high and dry again. Angel had never really told her what the outcome of this was going to be, they had just started to search. But now that they had a real chance of finding Buffy all of her questions and doubts began to resurface.

Faith gazed at Angel. She could see the pleading in his eyes though. She could see the hope. He couldn't do this without her. Taking a deep breath. "Yee Haw." She answered and she watched as relief washed through the souled vampire.

Buffy and Kelley walked around the Nashville looking at the lights and decorations that had been put up around downtown. Everything was beautiful and peaceful in Buffy's eyes. Peace was something that had been missing from her life for so long and now she had it. She had a job, friends and a life that she had made for herself and had not been forced on her by the hands of fate. There was no one here telling her what to do for her own good. She made her own decisions and good or bad she dealt with the consequences.

She was still a Slayer. That was a part of her make-up that she could not completely excise but it was on her own terms now. She kept downtown free of vamps and demon's because working in one of the hottest clubs in town allowed her to spot a them pretty easily. They weren't used to the Slayer being in town so they weren't as careful or as cocky as those she encountered in Sunnydale. So she waited tables and danced at the White Lightning with a little slaying on the side. It worked out well in her book. The only problem that Buffy seemed to be having was that she wasn't used to the cold. She had been a California girl all of her life and now she in a place where it was twenty degrees at times. That was really a pain. She can only remember it being cold enough to snow back home once in her lifetime and that was a very, very special case.

"Penny for your thoughts." Kelley said.

Buffy smiled at her friend that was walking along beside her. "Keep your change, I was just thinking how peaceful everything was here."

Kelley looked around at the crowd of people in the streets. Nashville was bursting at the seams with tourists that were here for the many events that happened during the holidays. The bars were crowded; the top musical acts were in town since most were home and not on the road. There were concerts and plays and parties happening night after night that kept people in town until all hours, yeah this was really peaceful. "You're a really strange girl."

Laughing, Buffy, looked up at Kelley. "What are you talking about?"

"This place is packed to capacity with people and you think this is peaceful. Where did you live before?" Kelley stopped talking as soon as she asked the question. Faith never talked about her past and Kelley could tell by the way her mouth tightened and her eyes darkened that she didn't really want to start now. Whatever or whomever the girl was running from had really done a number on her.

"I lived in LA most of my life." Kelley looked at her friend in shock. She could not believe that she had actually answered. "When I was fifteen my mom and I moved to a town called Sunnydale. I was there for four years before coming here."

"Why Nashville?"

"I went to the ticket counter at the bus station and told them I wanted a ticket to a place as far away from Sunnydale as I could get and that happened to be here."

"So you just picked up and left."

Smiling softly Buffy thought about what she was going to say next. "Yep. I got the chance to leave without anyone really noticing I was missing, so I took that chance and ran as fast as I could."

Kelley's brow furrowed, what could have been so bad that Faith had just split. She just didn't seem like the type to do that. "Why?"

Buffy ran her hand through her hair trying to come up with a way to explain all of this in a way that would make sense. "Back in Sunnydale." She couldn't even bring herself to call the place home anymore. "I felt like I had lost me. I was having serious issues with my mom. My friends felt that it was their responsibility to run my life. My boyfriend was crutch that I didn't want anymore but I did not know how to get rid of him. And the man that I love had left me because he thought I needed more out of life than he could give me. Everyone kept taking all my choices away from me while I was the one fighting night after night. So, I left. I came here and started to build something for myself, by myself. I needed to prove that I could live without being told what to do."

"Wow, that's deep. I take it that the boyfriend and the man you love were not the same person."

"Once upon a time yes, but not just before I left. I had the prerequisite rebound guy that my best friend had pretty much thrown me into the arms of. The relationship was pretty unhealthy at least on my side. It just took me a while get up the courage to do anything about it."

"The one thing I don't get though is with all these people in your life how did you just walk away?" Kelley inquired as they stopped walking just in front of the saloon.

Laughing Buffy looked at her reflection in the front window of the White Lightning. Faith's face stared back at her as it had for the last nine months or so. "Let's just say I became a whole new person." Kelley looked at her strangely. "Come on we've got to get in there and get to work." Buffy said ending the conversation about her past.

The trip across country had been rather uneventful. It had also given Angel a lot of time to think as he drove through the night and spent his days hiding in the back of the van. He couldn't let her go again. All of the reasons that he had left her had begun to sound stupid and cowardly even in his own mind. He had truly believed that he was doing the right thing at the time. He had thought it was the best for Buffy that he get out of the picture. Had he just been able to convince himself that it was right to justify running?

Now as he drove down Interstate 40 into Nashville he began to believe that all of the pain he caused both himself and Buffy had been solely because he was afraid. He was pushing 250 years old, he had seen things in his life that would be deemed unbelievable to most, survived things that would have broken most creatures but he could not conquer his fear of a beautiful slip of a girl who held his heart.

Why had he not fought harder? Why had he not looked into a way around the curse instead of giving in to it? He was well read, intelligent he could have studied and researched and maybe he could have found a way. Instead he had let the Gypsies win. He had given up. He had walked away because he did not feel worthy of Buffy. And he had also fed Buffy's insecurities leaving her broken and jaded.

During his time in LA Angel had found himself labeled as a warrior and champion for the light, but that was a lie. He had single handedly put out the brightest light he had ever seen. He had doused the flame that burned in Buffy's eyes. Now he had to see if he could rekindle it. He had to see if she would let him rekindle it.

Angel parked the van and everyone began to pile out. Faith stretched her sore muscles. The long car ride had her longing to soak in a hot bath for about a week. Instead they were in for a long night of combing Nashville bars trying to find Buffy. Willow had suggested that they begin downtown near the Tennessee River because according to her research into the area that seemed to be where they would find biggest concentration of places to check. Everyone was hopeful that they would get lucky and find the missing Slayer before the sun rose on another day. Faith was just worried about her reaction if they did happen to locate her.

The group traveled from bar to bar asking questions and finding no answers. Anya had starting complaining that her feet hurt and Cordelia was at the point that she was snapping at the annoying ex-demon every time she spoke. This always led to Xander defending Anya and then he and Cordelia getting into a verbal sparring match. It was stretching Angel's patience to the limits. "Xander, why don't you take Anya and Cordy back to the hotel we'll follow soon since dawn is approaching." Xander quickly agreed to take the girls back before he found himself in the center of a fistfight between his girlfriend and his ex. Wesley and Tara left also leaving Angel, Faith, Giles and Willow to finish the searching the bars.

Walking out of the last bar they had canvassed each person took a deep breath. At this point they never wanted to see the inside of a smoky room full of drunks again. And if they never heard country music again it would still be too soon. Angel had never in his entire life been propositioned as many times as he had during this one night. And the places some of these woman tried to grab him made him more than thankful for preternatural speed.

Faith and even Willow were fairing about the same. Drunken cowboys with twelve hands seemed to have taken a liking to the for-now-blond and red head. Faith had been tempted to go Slayer on more than one of them and Willow had a few choice chants picked out if she needed them.

Even Giles was having a hard time fending off the woman in the bars. He too had been woman handled and propositioned to the point that he was exhausted. He wanted this night to be over. They needed to find Buffy but he did not know how much more he could take tonight.

Still, the group decided to check one more spot before retiring to the hotel. They walked up to the doors of a place called the White Lightning Saloon. Willow reached for the door but stopped when she saw both Angel and Faith stiffen. "This is the place." They said as one.

Willow gasped. "Buffy is in here?"

Angel ran his hand over his chest where his heart should be beating. "I can feel her. She's inside."

Putting on her resolve face, the red head pulled open the door. "Let's go get her."

Faith shook her head. "I don't think that it's going to be that easy. We may find her but convincing her to come back is an entirely different story."

"I'm afraid that Faith may be right." Giles said removing his glasses to polish the lenses. He had become incredibly nervous when Angel and Faith had said that Buffy was here. He felt that he had failed the girl in so many ways that he didn't really know what to say to her or how to make it up to her.

Willow gave a frustrated sigh before looking at the others. "Well why don't we go find out for sure." Each person nodded before following Willow into the busy club.

The place was packed to the rafters. Buffy's shoulders were beginning to ache from carrying the trays of drinks. Even her Slayer strength gave out after a long night of hefting enough beer mugs. The music that was blaring from the speakers and the voices that were trying to shout over the sound was giving her a headache. In other words it was just another day at the office.

They only thing different though was the near constant tingling that she felt running up and down her spine. If she had been anywhere else she would have chalked it up to her Angel alert but that wasn't possible. She would have to check it out later to see if it was something setting off her Slayer sense or if she just had her wires crossed. Lifting another tray full of beers Buffy set off to the waiting table.

Six guys sat around the table as she arrived. They were definitely wannabe cowboys who had probably come into town for a concert or some other event. The one thing that she had learned really fast working here was the difference between a good old country boy and the wannabe cowboys. The country boys were much more polite and were less likely to make comments and suggestions that made her want to slay them like the demons she believed they truly were.

Bopping along to song the DJ was playing a fake, happy smile pasted on her face Buffy went to deliver the drinks. She sat the full mugs in front of the guys and began to place the empties on the tray. As she worked she tried to ignore the leers that were being cast her way. Buffy just did her job as efficiently as possible so that she could get away from the table. She had just raised the tray when one of the men grabbed her wrist. "Where ya going so fast, little girl?" The man slurred.

The young man may have been attractive in his new boots, new Wranglers and new cowboy hat if he hadn't been nearing blind drunk. And Buffy could tell from the gleam in his eye that he was not one of the nice drunks that she and the other girls giggled over on a nightly basis. This man was going to be mean. And he was not going to take rejection very well.

Buffy slid her gaze across the room trying to catch Braden's attention, but the bouncer was not at his station. It was just her luck that he was throwing someone else out when she needed someone to be thrown out. She faced the man. "I'm taking these mugs back to the bar, you know just doing my job."

"Well it seems to me that your job is to make sure that the clientele of this establishment is happy." Buffy raised an eyebrow at the guy; he had really watched too many old westerns on TV. "And what would make me happy is if you would stick around and talk a while."

"Nope, sorry, my job is to bring you new beers when you run out of the old ones. That is all the happiness you're getting from me."

The man sneered at her, yep, she thought once more, definitely a mean drunk. "I think we'll just have to see about that."

It was hard for her to hold on to the tray while he held her wrist. And since she really did not want to wade through broken glass for the rest of the night she shifted the tray back to the edge of the table. Once it was out of the way the man tried to yank her forward. With the jostling crowd and her already being off balance due to maneuvering her heavy load back to the table one-handed Buffy nearly pitched forward into the man's lap.

Hands clamped around her waist to save her from her fall. Fire started to run through her system beginning at the place that she was being touched. There was no need for her to turn around to find out who held onto her. Buffy had been found.

The man who held her arm did not like the fact that his play had been stopped. "Hey, buddy mind your own business. This one is mine."

A low growl came from Angel; the sound seemed to resonate deep within the Slayer turning her knees to mush. It wasn't fair how easily he could make her forget all the pain and just concentrate on the longing. "You are very wrong. She is mine, always has been and always will be."

Anger began to build within her swamping the warm fuzzy Angely feelings she was experiencing only a moment before. How dare they start some me Tarzan, chest-pounding contest over her? She belonged to no one. She was her own person. She was living someone else's life. Great, she thought as anger and confusion collided, she couldn't even win an argument with herself right now.

Braden had finished with one problem and noticed that Buffy was being hassled. He walked over to the table. "Faith, everything okay here?"

Angel cast a wary look in the direction of the newcomer. He was a very large man. His head was shaved and his shoulders were wide enough that Angel suspected he had to sideways through some doors. But the one thing that Angel picked up on that made his hands reflexively tighten around Buffy's waist was the concern in the man's eyes for his love.

Buffy felt Angel's grip tighten and she could almost feel the jealousy. Good, let him stew over it, she thought. Let him think that she was involved with the very large, very cute and very sweet bouncer. It served him right.

Turning on her charm and Faith's best flirty smile. "Nothing I can't handle." Buffy felt the vibrations of another growl through her body as Angel responded to her flirting with the other man.

"If they're messing with you, cutie, I'll throw them out. It'll just make a boring night more interesting."

The man that held Buffy's wrist let her go. Confronted with the two large men he began to sober up slightly. The one man had actually growled at him. Then he looked at the bouncer and back at the girl. She was hot but she wasn't worth going a round or two with the bruiser that stood before him. "I'm cool man, just going to finish my beer and me and the boys will get out of here."

Buffy almost laughed aloud. The man took one look at Braden and gave up but he was willing to challenge Angel. The poor guy didn't seem to have a clue that he stood a much better chance of making it out of a fight in one piece going head to head with Braden.

Braden looked at the man who still held Faith by the waist. There was a possessive look on his face that warned everyone around him that she was his and that they were not to touch her. Everyone knew that Faith had been running from something and Braden was beginning to wonder if this man was that something. "What about him Faith?" The bouncer asked indicating Angel with a jerk of his head. "Do you want him gone?"

Buffy looked over her shoulder and she knew she was lost when her eyes met Angel's chocolate brown ones. "No he's okay Brae. He was helping me out."

The bouncer gave the tall dark haired man one more look. The look clearly told Angel that he was going to be watched. Then he returned to his chair by the door leaving Buffy and Angel where they stood.

She wrenched free from the hands at her waist. "I've got to get back to work." She mumbled once again reaching for the tray of empties on the table. She picked it up and started toward the bar only to have Angel step in front of her.

"You know we have to talk right?" He asked. He was really proud that he was able to keep his voice calm and his emotions in check.

"Just not right now." She told him. "I get off at four." Angel looked at her and was about to say something. "That's about two hours before sunrise." She smirked. Angel flinched slightly then nodded, the reminder of what he was coming from Buffy was slightly painful. "Find a table and I'll see you when I'm finished."

"The others already have a table." Angel told her pointing towards the other side of the room." I just came over to give you a hand." Buffy looked in the direction that Angel had pointed. She almost groaned when she saw Willow, Giles and Faith. Sensing her reaction Angel told her. "Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Tara and Wesley have already gone back to the hotel." He almost smiled at the look of horror that crossed her face at his revelation. "I'll see you when you're finished here." She nodded as he stepped out of her path.

Making her way back to the bar she sat ditched the tray and slipped into the back for a minute. Her heart was pounding, her head was spinning and she had promised to face him in about a few hours, and not just him but the whole gang after almost a year. She plopped down in a chair dropping her face into her hand. Life really sucked sometimes.

About five minutes later that was where Kelley found her. She was still sitting with her face in her hands and her shoulders slumped. She looked pitiful. Kelley pulled up a chair. "You wanna tell me what's wrong."

Not moving her hands, Buffy shook her head. "Not really." She answered the response muffled by her face being covered.

"It wasn't a question." Her friend stated.

Looking up Buffy met Kelley's intent gaze. "Let's just say someone found me that I thought I wanted to stay lost from."

"Okay, I almost understood that." The dark haired girl said. "Mr. Tall dark and yummy that you were talking too earlier." Buffy nodded. "Why on earth would you run away from that?"

Sighing Buffy let her head fall back against the wall as she sat upright in her chair. "I didn't run away from him. He ran away from me."

Kelley looked at the dejected girl in front of her. "That's the true love that left you?" Again Buffy just nodded. The waitress smiled brightly at her friend. "He is a total doll." Buffy shot a dirty look at the girl who was commenting on Angel. This caused Kelley to laugh. "A little possessive of him are you?" Again Buffy just looked at her with narrowed eyes. " So what are you going to do?" Kelley asked suddenly turning serious.

"I don't know? I promised to talk with him when I got off work but I don't know what I'm going to say."

"Do you love him?"

Buffy sighed. "Yes."

"Do you trust him?"

"With my life." Buffy stated.

Kelley picked up on the but at the end of that statement. "But not with your heart." Buffy shook her head sadly.

"He's the only person on this planet that can really hurt me."

"I thought he had left you and moved away before you ran."

"He had."

"Then why is he here?" Buffy looked sharply at Kelley, telling her without words to get to her point. She really didn't want to be reminded of the fact that Angel had left her right now. "He came for you. Even though you were not together anymore, he found out you were missing and he came for you. And I bet you hadn't made it easy on anyone who was trying to locate you."

"No, I didn't"

"So, he had to go to a lot of trouble to find you?"

"I know Angel loves me, if that's what you're asking. I have never doubted that. I just don't trust him not to drag me back home and then leave me again for my own good."

"Well talk to him and if that is what he has planned, don't go."

Buffy ran a hand over her aching forehead. "It's actually a lot more complicated than that." Now that they had found her she and Faith would have to switch back. And Buffy found herself dreading going back to the life that she had run away from. She didn't think she could do it anymore. She couldn't sacrifice herself to make everyone else happy anymore. The time she had been away from Sunnydale was very different from the first time she had run. Then she had been in so much pain from what she had been forced to do to Angel and the guilt was so shattering that she had been barely able to survive. This time Buffy had made a life for herself with friends and a job. She had found herself, which was rather odd since she was inhabiting someone else's body.

"Well, girl, all I can tell you is just talk to him and go from there. And if worse comes to worse we'll have Braden beat him up for you." Buffy smirked at this. Like he would stand a chance against her Angel. Kelley stood up suddenly. "C'mon let's get back out there before June comes looking for us." Buffy rose from her seat and followed her friend back out into the club. Picking up a round of drinks ready to be delivered to one of her table she looked to the back of the room where Angel and the others sat. She could feel his dark eyes following her every step and it felt as wonderful as it felt uncomfortable. Jerking her thoughts back to work she set the drinks in front of the customers and went about her job trying not to dwell on the fact that it was just a couple of more hours until judgment day.

Angel watched Buffy efficiently work her way through the tables dropping off drinks, taking orders, flirting and laughing with customers. He saw in her an ease that wasn't there before. Without her destiny pressing down on her she had been able to find herself. She seemed to have blossomed into a confident and self-sufficient woman once she was let out from under everyone's thumb. When those who claimed to love her were no longer around to make all of her decisions she finally found happiness. Maybe Faith was right. Maybe he shouldn't have searched for her. Maybe she was better off here than coming back with them. Maybe she was truly better off without him.

Right in the middle of Angel's brooding session a tall dark haired girl walked up to the table to ask them if they wanted another round of drinks. She was not the same one that had waited on them before. This girl studied the faces of each person at the table intently before her dark blue gaze came to rest on Angel. He was about to tell her that he wasn't interested when she surprised him. "Ya giving up on her already?"

"Excuse me?" Angel asked.

"Faith. The look on your face says that you're thinking about high tailing it outta here." Kelley noticed the blond girl sitting next to him shoot the man a dark look. At least Faith seemed to have another champion. "I think you'd be making a big mistake if you did that."

"What do you know?" Angel asked the girl.

"Hey, I've only shared a house with her and worked with her for the last six months or so. And honestly I don't know a lot. She's got her secrets and I haven't really felt that it was my place to pry. But I do know that she's been trying to heal a severely broken heart and if you walk out that door it may be beyond repair."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Kelley laughed. "Listen, I don't know a thing about you. But I've known for a while that there was a dark haired, dark eyed man haunting her. I saw that every time a guy fitting that description walked into this joint. Up until now none of them had been the right guy. Besides she told me who you were a few minutes ago." She smiled at the shocked look on Angel's face. "I do know a few things about Faith though. She's told me about running and her reasons why. And here's some advice whether you want it or not. Don't drag her back home and dump her again. It's not your place to decide what's best for her. It's hers. And if all your noble crap is just some lame ass excuse you came up with because you don't want her around then be honest with her and tell her that. Now can I get you another drink?"

Angel looked at the girl in front of him and at Faith who was giving him a smug I told you so look. "Bourbon straight up."

"Good choice." The girl said with a bright smile. "What about the rest of ya'll?" The others ordered, the girls getting sodas and Giles followed Angel's lead an opted for bourbon. "I'm Faith's roommate Kelley, by the way."

"Angel."

The dark haired girl's eyes widened slightly. "Name fits ya." She drawled. Angel shook his head and introduced her to the rest of the gang at table. She smiled and greeted each of them. "Well it's been fun but I've got to get back to work. I'll be back in just a sec with those drinks."

"Thanks for the warning." Angel mumbled under his breath. Kelley cast him a look over her shoulder and began to laugh as she walked off. She had heard him.

When Kelley had disappeared in the milling crowd, Faith scooted closer to Angel so could actually talk to him. "That was certainly interesting."

Angel turned to her scowling. "Shut up Faith."

"Hey man, just making conversation." The Slayer smirked at the broody vampire. Buffy's new roomy had brought up most of the same points that she had repeatedly tried to pound into Angel's thick skull. Faith could not resist reminding him of that either.

Kelley returned with a tray of drinks then with a wink at Angel she disappeared back into the milling crowd. Time passed slowly as Angel nursed his drink waiting for Buffy to get off work. His gaze constantly followed her around the room never once loosing sight of her. It was really hard being so close yet still so far away. He was in uncharted territory here, this Buffy was an unknown entity to him and he had no idea what the outcome of the conversation tonight would be. He thought that the chances of her telling him to go away was just as high as her telling him that she was still in love with him. And then there was still his own uncertainty of what he was going to do?

Buffy worked her way through the crowd trying to act as if she didn't know that Angel's gorgeous, dark eyes followed her every step. His face was set in an unreadable mask but she could tell that he was in deep brood mode. Was he angry with her? Probably, but that was his problem. She had done what she needed to do at the time to keep from going insane. She had been sick and tired of doing everything for everyone else while no one seemed to notice when she needed something. They had manipulated and cajoled her into dating who they wanted her to, doing what they wanted her to, all in all being what they wanted her to be and she had needed to stop it before she become so numb that she no longer cared if she lived.

Buffy walked through the tables. Many were now empty since final round had just been called. There were only a few intrepid souls left on the dance floor and a steady stream of people were either walking or staggering out the door. The butterflies that had formed in her stomach seemed to all suddenly take flight all at once as the clock ticked down the minutes until her talk with Angel and the others.

What was she going to say? She was not sorry for what she had done. In fact, it had probably saved her life. Kelley was right; before she left here she had to lay down the ground rules. If they did not accept the new Buffy then she would stay here and they could fend for themselves. She was the Slayer but she was also just a girl and she deserved the right to make her own decisions.

Cleaning the last of her tables Buffy dropped the last of her empties on the bar. Braden came out of the back and caught sight of the group that still occupied the back table. "What are they still doing here?" Braden asked, recognizing one of the group as the man that had been hassling Buffy earlier.

Running a hand through her hair, Buffy sighed deeply. "They're waiting for me. They're old friends that I need to talk with."

Braden nodded. "Do you need me to stick around and make sure they stay cool?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I'll be okay. But thank you." Rising up on her tiptoes she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're a great guy Brae." He smiled at her and walked into the back and out the back door.

The only people remaining at this point were Buffy, the gang at the table and Kelly. The brunette approached Buffy just as Braden disappeared from sight. "You think you can handle this?"

"Yeah, I have to do this Kell. But this is not going to be easy."

"Do you need me to stick around?"

Shaking her head Buffy addressed her friend. "I have to do this myself."

"I understand. Just know if you need anything I'm there. " The girl gave Buffy a quick hug and left out the same door that Braden had used minutes before.

Taking a couple of deep breaths she gazed at the group at the back of the room. Gathering her courage she approached her friends.

Faith smiled at her sheepishly as she neared the table. "I kinda blew it B."

Smiling back at the girl, she said. "I can see that Faith."

"Blame Giles, he was the one that volunteered me slash you to go help Wesley out in LA. Or better yet blame the big nasty demon that wanted to end the world again."

Buffy was about to respond to Faith when Willow spoke up, her voice wounded and accusing. "How could you, Buffy? How could you?"

Turning to the red head, Buffy waited for the guilt and the need to apologize to set it, the need to take all the blame and beg for forgiveness. But the feelings did not surface. "Very easily Will, very easily."

Willow looked at Buffy in surprise. "You just turned your back on us, Buffy."

"No, Willow, my leaving had nothing to do with you. I left because I finally chose to protect myself. I hopped on a bus and put some distance between me and the supremely miserable life that I had been living."

Snorting in disbelief, Willow looked at her friend. "Supremely miserable life. How can you say that?"

Buffy met the red heads gaze with a very intense gaze of her own. "Because it's true."

Giles cleared his throat. "I think that we should take this back to the hotel. It will be easier if we get everyone together and have this discussion."

Looking at her watcher, Buffy sighed. "Why not. I can face everyone at once and we can get this rousing game of blame Buffy underway. Yay me."

Angel winced at the bitterness in her tone. She was set to face them all. And one look told him that she was in full armor.

The group left the bar and walked down the quiet streets of Nashville. The hotel was just a few blocks away and no one spoke they all just ambled along trying to figure out what was about to happen. Finally, they arrived in front of the building, the automatic door opening as they entered into the lobby.

"We can go up to my room. I'll call and let Xander and the others know we're here." Willow suggested as she turned in the direction of one of the courtesy phones.

"No." Buffy cut her off. "Tell them to come down here. This is going take place in neutral territory."

Willow turned to Buffy an incredulous look on her face. "You want to talk about this in the lobby?"

"Just get them down here. I'll get us a place to talk." Was Buffy's exasperated answer. Not even bothering to acknowledge the mutinous look on Willow's face, Buffy walked over to the front desk and asked for access to a small conference room. Once she had the key in hand she returned to the gang. "There is a meeting room right down the hall we can use. Willow, bring the others there when they make it down from their rooms." Buffy told the redhead before heading in the direction of the room, leaving it up to the others to follow. Everyone just watched for a moment. Giles, Faith and Angel then finally followed leaving Willow to wait for the others.

Arriving at the room Angel took in the scene before him. The room held a large oval table surrounded with high-back leather chairs, Buffy sat at one end her elbows on the chair arms and her fingers steepled in front of her mouth watching each one of them intently. To Angel she looked like a young queen ready to hold court and she was bound to be just as merciless as some of those ancient queens from the look of her.

As they took their seats around the table, Buffy remained silent. She took in every movement and look from the three people in the room with her. She cataloged each reaction trying to gage what it meant.

Faith seemed the least nervous. Actually she seemed somewhat amused by the whole situation if Buffy read her right. Giles seemed to be battling between shame, hurt and confusion. She wondered if he truly did regret leaving her to her own devices. Had he just missed how much pain she had been in or had he simply chose not to see it? She was sure to find out the answer to that one this morning. Then there was Angel; his eyes had been on her from the moment that he found her. What did that mean? Did he accept part of the responsibility for her taking this avenue? Did he know that it was the pain that he had left her with that had come so close to breaking her? Did he know that she loved him so much that her love had nearly crushed her? She really hoped so. She had enough of a vindictive streak after all this time to hope that he had suffered as much as she had. And she still held onto enough anger to know that she would react really badly to anyone questioning her decision. For once she had chosen to put herself first. For once she had not allowed duty, family and friendship to come first. She had been selfish. And being selfish she knew without a doubt it had kept her alive. It had kept her from welcoming death.

She was still studying the people in the room when she heard the others begin to enter. Shifting her gaze she watched as Cordelia and Wesley entered. Wesley smiled weakly at her before taking a seat next to Angel. Cordelia gave her a look as she took a seat at Angel's other side that was so purely Queen C that Buffy almost smiled. Next in was Anya, yawning and mumbling about needing her rest so that she could be with Xander. Buffy just let the comment pass not wishing to think about that at all. Tara was behind Anya; she cast a few nervous glances in Buffy's direction before finding a chair next to Giles.

Finally, Willow and Xander entered their heads bent together whispering furiously back and forth. The cast her a few looks and went back to their private dialogue. After a few minutes of this Buffy finally became annoyed with the two. "Anything you'd like to share with the rest of the class? Willow? Xander?" Shocked Willow and Xander's heads shot up so quickly that their skulls cracked together.

Rubbing his sore head, Xander scowled at Buffy. "Well aren't you smug. I mean, hey, you're the one that took off leaving us in the hands of psycho Slayer." Xander ground out, motioning toward Faith who was still in Buffy's body. "We're your friends Buffy and you don't even seem to feel bad deserting us again. "

Smiling Buffy, looked at Xander. "Well actually, I don't feel bad about what I have done. But what about you Xand, do you feel bad that it took you so long to realize that it was Faith and not me that you were hanging out with? If Wesley hadn't called for help in LA would any of you ever realized the truth?"

"That's not fair, Buff. How were we supposed to know that it was even possible for you not to be you?"

"For whatever it's worth, Angel knew immediately. And he had made damn sure that we had not seen each other for months." Buffy retorted. Angel flinched at the underlying bitterness in her tone.

"Someone has developed quite a 'tude." Cordelia sniped under her breath.

Buffy chuckled, "I've not even gotten warmed up, Queen C." Cordelia looked at the dark haired girl at the end of the table.

"Well, could we at least switch the two of you back? This whole Buffy/Faith, Faith/Buffy thing is giving me a headache?" Cordy asked.

"I've got to say that I'm all for that B." Faith piped up. "I'm more than ready to give you your life back. And I may give you a good beat down for sticking me with it."

"Not the fairytale you thought was, is it?"

Faith smirked. "Evil mothers, wicked friends, and a clueless prince charming, I don't know it does have some of the elements."

This caused Buffy to laugh before becoming serious again. She turned to Giles. "Can you switch us back?"

The watcher took off his glasses off and polished the lenses. "Yes, Wesley and I found the original spell that had been cast on the Hand of Gemini. We brought with us all we need to cast the reversal spell that will switch you back into your own bodies."

"Well, let's do it I guess." Wesley rushed from the room and returned a few minutes later holding a large shopping back. He and Giles took the ingredients out of the bag and began to mix them together. A pungent odor began to fill the room and Faith opened a window so that the front desk was less likely to catch a whiff and come asking questions.

After about a half an hour and Giles speaking some words over the mixture that sounded very much like he had a hairball, he pronounced everything ready. Buffy and Faith were instructed to dip their right hands in the mixture then place their hands palm to palm. Both girls were assailed with a familiar tugging sensation and feeling of weightlessness.

When everything had settled back into place Buffy was looking into a pair of dark brown eyes that she had seen in the mirror every morning for the last year. She had her own body back. She had her own life back. She couldn't return to the life she had created for herself here because it would be impossible to explain why she suddenly looked completely different. Buffy's mouth tightened into a frown, she really wished she had never been found.

Angel could almost read the thoughts going on within Buffy's now blond head. She really didn't want her life back. And now they had found her and she was back in her own body. And now she would have to deal with everyone's expectations, including her own. This was not going to be a good night for anyone.

"Well, I can't say I'm not glad to be me again." Faith said and she practically danced around the room. This seemed to be the tension breaker that everyone needed, because everyone began to talk at once.

Buffy retook her seat and waited for everyone to once again grow quiet. It took them several minutes before they realized that she had not taken part in any of the conversations going on around her.

Settling back into their seats, Xander and Willow began to whisper to one another again. Buffy rolled her eyes waiting for one of them to speak. "So Buffy, when are we leaving to back to Sunnydale?" Willow asked.

The question stunned Buffy. The blatant assumption that now that she had been found everything would go back to normal shocked her into momentary speechlessness. Bitterness rose up in her throat. They just didn't get it. They didn't even wonder about her reasons for doing what she did. "Who says I'm going anywhere?"

"You're back in your own body now." Willow stated. "So, you have to come home."

"Actually, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do."

Xander looked at the blond Slayer sharply. "Why wouldn't you want to come home?"

"For the same reasons I left Xander."

"Well, we've yet to hear your reasons." The dark haired boy said. His tone made it clear that he really didn't believe that she had any good reasons for doing what she did.

His tone and attitude finally made the Slayer snap. "Because Xander, I was at a point, when I left Sunnydale, that I would have welcomed death if it came. I was tired, I was in pain and I was ready to give up. I kept burying all my feelings deeper and deeper inside and I was going numb. I needed time and space to heal but no one was willing to give me that chance. I always had to be strong, I always had to be the leader, and I always had to save everyone's asses. That is except, when it came my personal life, then I wasn't allowed any say so what so ever. God knows, that Buffy can't be allowed to choose who she's with, who she loves. No, no, no we can't have that because she might do something stupid like fall in love with a vampire." Buffy ranted. "Oh, and we can never, ever say that vampire's name in her presence because she might start to think about him and that makes her sad and Buffy can't be sad. She has to be happy and perky and make sure all the monster's get taken care of." Frustrated tears began to stream from Buffy's eyes as she let out years pain and anger. "And I let you get away with that crap for so long because I just didn't care. I let you pick my freakin' boyfriend. I stayed with him even though I could not stand him and the thought of him touching me actually made me nauseous. Yet, I let him touch me time and again because it made all of you so damn happy that I had a normal boyfriend. A normal boyfriend who was part of an organization that wanted me dead. But Riley could be forgiven for all his transgressions because he had a heart beat, right." Everyone in the room looked at Buffy in awe and fear as she poured out all the venom that she had held in for so long.

"The first time I ran away I was so messed up that there was no way I could heal. All of the guilt and pain I was holding on to nearly drove me mad. I was running from myself as much as anyone else. And it became obvious when I returned to Sunnydale that none of you would ever understand or even try to understand what I was going through. So, I just packed it all away deep inside. And from that point on it became easier and easier to just not deal with things. Anger, pain, love, hate were just things I packed in little boxes and stored deep inside myself where they didn't mean anything."

"It was finally starting to take its toll. Hell, I don't know how I lasted as long as I did without cracking up. Then Faith showed up bent on causing havoc and unknowingly saved my life." Buffy said with a bright smile that earned her a fierce scowl from Faith, but there was a twinkle in the dark haired girls eyes. "I don't think she knew what she was getting into when she switched bodies with me but I saw my chance and I took it. And I am not going to apologize for what I did."

Xander began to clap. "What a speech. I for one was deeply moved." It was all that Angel could do not to get up and kill the boy where he sat. But as it turned out it was not necessary.

Cordelia got up from her seat, walking over to Xander she slapped him hard enough that his head snapped back from the force as well as the surprise. "Are you ever going to grow up, Xander Harris? God, with friends like you I can't imagine why Buffy ever wanted to leave."

Xander rubbed his offended cheek and looked at faces staring at him around the room. There was not a supporter in the group, except maybe Willow who seemed to be catatonic at the moment. In fact, Giles, Faith and Angel looked like they could happily kill him while the others including Anya just looked at him as if he was beneath contempt.

Buffy was rather shocked at Cordelia's show of support. The brunette seemed to have changed, become more compassionate or maybe she finally was given the perfect excuse to knock Xander around. Whatever the reason Buffy was grateful.

Wesley cleared his throat. "Well, we've all been given a lot of information to consider. I suggest we get some sleep and reconvene in the morning. I think things will only get more hostile if we continue this conversation right now."

"The only blood shed will be Xander's and I for one think that'll be kinda fun." Faith said.

"Well, Faith, as enjoyable as injuring Xander might seem at the moment, I believe Wesley is right. It is quiet late. . . Er. . . Early and I think some rest and some time to think will do us all some good." Giles answered.

The rest of the group grumbled their agreement. Buffy remained at the end of the table watching the group disburse. Faith turned at the door and tossed a key card in her direction. "There is an extra bed in my room. You can bunk down with me."

Buffy smiled at the brunette Slayer. "You won't try to smother me with a pillow will you?"

Faith pretended to think about the question. "Nah, but I have to say I'm not really regretting the fact that you get your life back." Buffy laughed softly as the other Slayer left the room. With Faith gone Buffy realized that only she and Angel remained. He was still in his chair, watching her. Was she ready for this?

Sighing deeply she met his intense stare. "So I take it you want to talk to me?" She asked Angel.

"You know I do?" Angel answered softly. He pulled a blue journal from his pocket and slid it across the table toward Buffy.

Looking at the book, she chuckled. "Maybe I should smother Faith with that pillow." The corner of Angel's mouth twitched up in a half smile. "So, now that you know all my secrets, what do you really think about me?" She asked her voice mocking.

"I think you're amazing. The glimpses I've had tonight of the women you've become since you've been away from Sunnydale leaves me in awe. You've grown into the beautiful, confident woman I always knew you could be." Buffy stared at him wide-eyed as he spoke. "I just didn't realize how stifled you were in Sunnydale. I didn't realize I had been such a fool."

"Angel, what are you saying?" Buffy asked her voice breathy. There was a light shining in her eyes that Angel remembered seeing extinguished when he told her was leaving Sunnydale in that horrible sewer before her prom. It was hope and the thought he could bring that light back into her eyes made him worry about the safety of his soul.

Angel rose from his seat and moved closer to where Buffy was sitting at the end of the table. He took a seat next to her and took her hand in his. "I was wrong. I thought that your life would be better if I wasn't in it. I thought that with your family and friends that you wouldn't feel the loss so acutely. I thought that you would get over me and move on." He paused for a moment and played lightly with her fingers. The feel of her small, warm hand wrapped in his larger one felt so right. "I was unfair to you. I didn't listen to you. But the thing I'm most ashamed of is the way I underestimated your feelings. It was cruel of me to blithely order you to move on while I sat in LA brooding about how I would never love anyone but you. I saw myself as such a martyr for giving you up when all I really did was disregard how you felt. I let the opinions of others become more important than those of the most important person in my life." Reaching out his free hand he stroked her soft cheek. "I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

Buffy just stared her eyes wide. Of all the scenarios that she went through when she imagined meeting him again this was not one of them. Not even in her wildest fantasies did she ever think Angel would be holding her hand begging her forgiveness. It left her speechless.

Angel brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed each of her knuckles. "I'll understand if you can't forgive me, but I just want the chance to make it up to you. I want to show you how much I still love you. That is if you are the least bit interested." Still unable to speak Buffy did the only thing she could think of to answer him. She threw herself in his arms and kissed him with everything she held inside her. Tears streaked her cheeks as she poured all of her love into the connection.

When she finally had to break the kiss for lack of oxygen, she was able to speak. "Angel, I love you. I've always loved you."

"I know, love." Angel said as his gaze flicked to the journal on the table. "I just wish I'd listened to you. I could have saved both of us so much pain."

Buffy bit her lip as she thought about what Angel had just said. "I agree that there is a lot of things about the last few years I would change about my life but my time here has been really good for me. Ironically enough, I found out who I was, while living in Faith's body. I'm Buffy Summers, I'm a Slayer, I'm capable of making my own decisions and I'm capable of making it on my own." Buffy smiled at Angel. "I'm not afraid to be alone anymore Angel. I now know the difference between wanted someone in my life and needing someone in my life. I'm no longer deathly afraid of disappointing people. I always tried to make everyone happy most of the time at the expense of myself even when they had disappointed me. I always let them be right and I don't have to do that anymore." Angel wasn't sure where she was going with all this. Was he a disappointment to her still? Was she saying that she didn't want him that she preferred to on her own? The kiss didn't seem to say that but he was still learning about this new Buffy. Unaware of Angel's confusion, Buffy continued. "They are not going to be happy about you and I trying to make something work between us, but the great part is that I don't care. This is my life and I should live in a way that makes me happy not my so-called friends."

Angel smiled as relief washed through him. "You're right many of them won't take it well. But I think that you can count on Faith to be on our side."

"I think that she got a lot more than she bargained for in this whole caper. I think it must have come as quite a shock to her that my life wasn't all sunshine and roses." Buffy told Angel with a giggle.

Angel smiled at her, before becoming serious again. "There are several things that I read in your journal that we need to talk about." Buffy's hand clinched in his and he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb willing her to relax. "But, now is not the time or the place. We have time but just know that we will deal with everything so we can start over with nothing in our way." Angel saw the gratitude that shone in her eyes for not wanting to have the conversation now and for his understanding.

They sat in silence for a while just enjoying the peace that each other's company offered. That is until Buffy yawned. Angel chuckled and pulled Buffy into his lap. "You're exhausted. Why don't we go upstairs and get some sleep."

"Yeah, Faith is probably wondering where I am by now." Buffy said fingering the key card Faith had giver her earlier.

"Actually, Faith will more than likely be really pissed at me if you end up using that card." Angel answered.

"Huh?" Buffy asked sounding so much like her old self that Angel just wanted to kiss her breathless again.

"If you go into her room to sleep that will mean I didn't grovel at you feet enough and she may just stake me."

Looking at Angel's serious face, Buffy couldn't help it she started to laugh. She laughed long and hard until her sides began to hurt and she was gasping for breath. "Faith has been MY champion."

Nodding Angel smiled into Buffy's laughing face. "Believe it or not she told me that if it was my intention to find you and desert you in Sunnydale again that she was taking off and I would have to look for you both."

"You go girl." Buffy crowed. "I owe her a big thank you."

"I think she'll appreciate that."

"Oh and remind me to thank Cordy too."

"For what?" Angel asked.

"For slapping the hell out of Xander tonight."

This made Angel laugh. He held on to Buffy and both of them shaking from his mirth. "Come on. Let's go to my room and get some sleep." Buffy gazed at Angel one eyebrow arched in question. "I want to hold you as I sleep. I have missed you so much."

Buffy let out a dreamy sigh. "Let's go then before I fall asleep right here." Angel lifted her from his lap and took her hand. They took the elevator up to his room.

Once inside Angel gave her one of his tee shirts to sleep in. She gratefully took the garment and vanished into the bathroom wanting to wash the smell of stale smoke and beer off her skin left from Faith's earlier foray into bar after bar looking for her. When she came out she was dressed in the shirt with a white towel wrapped around her head. She sat on the edge of the bed and towel dried her hair using Angel's comb to straighten the damp, blond locks while Angel took his turn in the shower. Finished with her hair, Buffy climbed under the covers waiting for Angel. Her eyelids were heavy and she was warm and comfortable but she refused to sleep until he lay beside her.

He came out of the bathroom dressed only in a pair of boxers to find Buffy already in the bed the covers pulled up to her chin. He smiled at the sight. "Comfy?"

She smiled in return. "I'll be more comfy when you're laying beside me." After a comment like that there was only one thing that Angel could do. He got into the bed beside her and pulled Buffy into his arms. The feel of her warm skin pressed against his cool body was a wonderful shock, Angel pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she lifted her head so that he could kiss her lips. Then she wiggled and nuzzled against him until she found the perfect spot. And that is how they fell asleep, her head laying pillowed on his chest and her arm draped across his lean waist as he held her tightly against him.

. It was late afternoon the next day before the group got up from their beds. They all gathered in the small lobby, that is everyone but Buffy and Angel. When Willow noticed that Buffy was missing she walked over to where Faith was sitting sprawled out in a chair. "Was Buffy still asleep when you left."

"What are you talking about Willow?"

"Buffy stayed with you last night, right?"

Faith snorted, looking at the red head. "Nope and I'm pretty sure that she stayed with Angel. Or that better be where she is or I'm going to kick his undead ass." It was at that moment that Buffy and Angel came in to lobby carefully staying in the shadows.

"You don't have to kick his ass Faith. He was a good vampire and groveled at my feet just like you told him to." Buffy said in a sugary voice.

Faith smiled a cheeky grin at Angel. "It's about damn time." Angel didn't say anything in response to the ribbing he was getting. He just wrapped his arm around Buffy's shoulders and pulled her close to his side.

The playful mood was shattered when Willow who was being all but ignored suddenly shrieked. "What!" The young witch stepped in front of Buffy. "What were you thinking Buffy? You know that you and Angel can't be together, so why are you doing this to yourself."

"I'm doing what makes me happy, Will."

Xander walked up beside Willow. "You'll feel differently when we get back to Sunnydale. Riley is still there and I know that once you talk to him that you can make things right. I mean he has been a wreck since Faith dumped him."

"Dammit Faith, there is another thing I have to thank you for. I really don't like to be this indebted to you."

"Yeah that was always my intent. I wanted you owe me big time for straightening out your screwed up life." Was the dark Slayers sarcastic reply. "If I had known what I was in for in being Buffy Summers I would have left you with your pitiful existence."

Buffy laughed. "And I have never been more thankful for your complete cluelessness." The blond Slayer just laughed harder at the dark look that Faith had shot her at that comment.

Giles stepped forward placing himself as a buffer between Buffy and her friends. "We do need to talk about what you are going to do? Sunnydale needs a Slayer close by and Faith is actually a wanted person there."

Buffy looked up at Angel. They had been awake for several hours and had spent that time talking. They had talked about the past and the future. What they had come up was the best for everyone and it still allowed Buffy to be happy. In other words it was her dream come true.

"I think it would be best for Faith to stay here for a while. You have a really good life with really good people in it even if you don't know it yet. I can let you know all the basics and I know you'll love it here in a week. But that's up to you."

"So, I get a house to live in, a job in a kicking club and scores of hunky cowboys to choose from night after night? I can't see the bad in any of that."

"You just have to promise that you'll keep in touch. And come to visit when you can, Faith." Buffy leaned over and hugged the dark haired girl much to everyone's surprise. "I really do owe you a lot." Faith blushed and looked highly uncomfortable with affection she was being shown. "We will probably have to tell Kelley what's going on. She'll know that something is up. She'll also be able to show you the ropes."

"You think this Kelley girl that has only known about a year will pick up on the switch." Faith asked scanning the group with a smirk.

"Yeah, Kelley's really very observant and we've lived and worked together for months so I really do think she'd know." Buffy answered not realizing immediately that Faith's comment was a deliberate cut to the Sunnydale gang.

"Okay Faith takes over your place here and you come back to Sunnydale. That works for me." Xander stated.

Cordelia huffed and gave her ex-boyfriend, a you're an idiot look. "Buffy has never said that she was returning to Sunnydale."

"Of course she is. She's done running away. We caught her so now she has to come back home." Willow told the May Queen.

"Willow." Buffy began taking Angel's hand tightly in hers for support. "I don't have to do anything that I don't want to. And since I don't want to I'm not coming back to Sunnydale."

"But Buffy . . ." Giles cut in, worry evident in his voice.

"Giles I'll be close. I'll be somewhere in between LA and Sunnydale, so I can be there in a hurry in case of an emergency. But it will be more convenient for both Angel and I this way. I'll just be the commuter Slayer instead of the stuck on the hellmouth Slayer."

Giles looked at the girl that he thought of as a daughter. He thought of all the pain that she has been through. He thought of the steps that she had taken to find herself. And of how none of her so-called friends had even noticed that she was lost to begin with. Giles was still deeply ashamed that he could count himself among those ranks.

Then he looked at the dark man that stood at Buffy's side. He had known immediately that she was not the one in her body and he would have fought heaven or hell to make everything right. Angel had put all of himself into finding her and succeed. And now that he had, the young woman standing before had found the spark that she had when they had first met. The spark that had went out when Angel had left.

The council had been right; his emotions were too engaged when it came to Buffy. But that was not, he realized, a bad thing. "I understand Buffy. I just worry about your job with you being away from the Hellmouth."

Buffy nodded acknowledging what Giles has said. "I'll be there to do my job every night then I'll go home afterwards. Giles, I really do understand my responsibility."

Giles smiled softly. "You have grown so much in the last year. We'll try it your way." Buffy moved away from Angel and threw her arms around her watcher.

"Thank you, Giles. You don't know what your support means to me." He hugged the girl back, thinking she didn't know what her words meant to him.

The trip back had been smooth except for Willow and Xander's continued attempts to get Buffy to change her mind. She had finally told them that if they didn't shut up that she would forget they were human and show them what a Slayer could really do. She was not about to let them start dictating her life again.

After that everything had settled to a much smoother routine. Angel would drive through the night with Buffy riding shotgun. Then they would crawl into the sun-proofed back of the van and sleep curled up in each other's arms.

When they were finally back in California, Angel told Buffy about the house he had about 45 minutes outside of Sunnydale. He bought it to be closer to her. Using it when the separation had gotten too much for him to handle and still be able to be far enough away that he was not intruding on her town and make things harder on the both of them. The moment she laid eyes on the two bedroom cottage-like structure she had fallen completely in love with it. Surrounded with colorful wild roses and honeysuckle, the entire place had a very fairytale feel to it.

So, from their new home they fell into their a familiar pattern, Angel would drive to Los Angeles and she would drive to Sunnydale each night for work after spending their days together. Except that Angel had come to Sunnydale with her the last few nights to help her with the unusually high number of vampires that had been showing up in Sunnydale. Tonight, however, would probably be the last time she would need his help here for a while since it looked like together they had made quite a dent in the vampire population

Hand-in-hand they came through the gates of Happy Acres on the edge of UC Sunnydale, eager to finish patrol and get back home. Both Buffy and Angel stopped immediately when the heard the sound of scrabbling in the bushes. Turning toward each other Angel and Buffy silently communicated a battle plan and with a nod Angel backed into the shadows to come around behind the noisy creatures. Buffy on the other hand approached from the front. Stalking toward her prey, Buffy reached through the bushes and pulled out a struggling form from its hiding place.

It was Forrest. Buffy released him and took a quick step back as Graham and Riley popped up out of the bushes like the fuzzy targets in a Whack-A-Mole game. "Great, just what I needed." Buffy mumbled under her breath.

Forrest pushed himself up off the ground. "Well, if it ain't the Slayer.

"Well, if ain't the little green men. Where's Buzz and Woody?"

Choosing to ignore Buffy's comment Forrest antagonizing the Slayer. "We thought that maybe you had gone away and left the fighting to those trained for it."

Buffy snorted. "Nah, I've just let you play here in your sand box around campus while I took care of the rest of the town. You know with my pointy piece of wood. Got at least seventeen vamps tonight alone. It was brutal." Then she stopped a glint in her eyes as she turned on Riley. "Oh, Riley, I'm sorry seventeen vamps is your number right."

Pain and anger in his eyes, Riley started to speak only to stop when Angel stepped out of the shadows and wrapped his arm around Buffy's narrow shoulders. Forrest not knowing who the tall, dark man was just shook his head. She had replaced Riley with this guy. He had always known that the girl only meant trouble.

Buffy slipped her arm around Angel's lean waist. They still had to check in with Giles before heading home and she really wanted to get away from the toy soldiers here. "Try not to get yourself killed, turned or something. We're going to be going now." She told the camouflage-clad men as she urged Angel away from the three.

As they walked away from she once again heard Forrest's voice. "Well guys it looks like the bitch is back."

Buffy stopped and turned back toward the guys. Her eyes were sparkling with pure amusement and a huge grin on her face. "You have absolutely no idea how true that is." She answered and then once again began to walk off with Angel her laughter ringing out through the night."


End file.
